Wishing Balls

 Sometimes I feel like a tough piece of meat that is in the fridge marinating. How I long till I'll be ready to be served on a warm, clean plate along with some buttery potatoes and some leafy greens. I long to be tender with a complex flavor that only comes with time being surrounded by many different flavors.

Yesterday I had some time to myself and decided to do something to bring me life instead of running the errands that I had originally planned on. I went to 2 consignment stores to look at the beautiful treasures that lay there in wait of being admired and enjoyed. At the first store, I found a brilliant blue ceramic container with a lid. Then at the second store, my thoughts started overwhelming my being. "What do you think you are doing?" "Don't you know your bank account is dwindling?" "How dare you spend money on things for you, don't you know these are closer to retail prices (In my world of 50 cent dresses and $4 bookshelves.) Then the lady that worked there, interrupted my thoughts to say, "It's nice to see you today." "That was nice to hear," I thought, "normally only people that know you will say that." I uncross my arms and tried to open myself up to the possibilities instead of  telling myself that I was in a tough situation. I look around, telling myself to appreciate the beauty in what I see, or get ideas for things to make. There were 2 colored dishes, one blue and one green with glass lids, they were so pretty, but I couldn't bring myself to buy them. I decide to leave with out anything when I spotted them. Just by the exit door were, blue glass balls with rope around them to hang from the ceiling. I loved them. Then I saw the price tag. "I can't spend that much", I thought. Then I thought about how I had been trying to view life recently. Letting life in as it comes my way, instead of always dreaming about what it will look like in the future. So I bought them. As Tammy (Not sure if you spell it with an "y" or an "I") was checking me out, she asked, "Where are you going to put these?" I smiled and responded, "One day I will have a house, and I will put them there." She told me that she was also getting things for her "one day
 place and commented that these. "They are your wishing balls," she said. . I shared St. Teresa's Prayer (here) and my blog with her, and she told me that I had inspired her. Little did she know that she had helped lift the dark cloud of my thoughts by her warm welcome and kindness to those around her.

As much as I will love having my house filled with beautiful color that will be my haven of peace, I'm thankful for the opportunity to add another spice to the marinade of my life. The biggest treasure is to be able to brush against each other's lives along the way and inspire each other. To know that others are going through what we are, that we are not alone. And to encourage each other to keep on.

 

Want some of your own "wishing balls," find some here.

Want to find your own treasures at the consignment shop where I discovered my "wishing balls", visit here. 

Riding the tide

It is in my nature to be on the thrifty side, even when I had excess money. So finding myself in a situation of needing to update my look for my wellbeing, needing to afford my own place and fill it with everything that makes a home a home, while looking after daily needs of myself and my little boy, you can imagine that I might be frozen not knowing where to start. Since I haven gotten a few essential clothes, enough for me to feel like myself, I find it time to start growing the things for my home. (Never mind the fact that I don't have my own home, or the money for it, nor does it appear to look like I will anytime soon. But you know what they say, appearances can be deceiving.) So I have decided to ride the tide for now and scoop up the good that comes my way, then wait for the next wave to bring me more. 

After picking up some beautiful towels at a linen store in gold and blue (here), I went into a furniture consignment and immediately thought "I won't find anything in here that I can afford, it's too nice." I kept looking, then I saw a painting that caught my eye. Angela (the kind lady who worked there) was sweet enough to say she would take half of the listed price. I decided it was time to let my life flow. Let the good come in as I saw it, instead of wishing it would all fit together in more stable times. I decided to get it! As I kept looking, I found the most beautiful older books. Not only would they be a good read, but also serve as splashes of color to my home. I got a whole stack of Ogden Nash books. I figured if they all made me smile, they all deserved a place in my home. Pretty green glasses, a few water colored postcards, and my biggest piece to date (by size and money) , a beautiful settee that has a natural finish and birds on the cushions. Next, at the Goodwill, I found some lovely accent pieces to tie together what I already had. Some paper balls that hang from the ceiling, a whitish "friends" frame to add pictures to, and a wooden book shelf. I was so proud of myself for letting go of my money to get things for my home that I would enjoy. But my favorite part of the entire experience was taking my time and talking with Angela and Greg and even sharing Reiki with Angela's hurt foot. It took me back in my time in Spain when what mattered  most about time most was relationships with other people. A slower pace of life, and may I add a more rewarding one.
One of my favorite movies as a little girl was "Hello Dolly;" one of my favorite lines is as follows: Dolly Levi: "Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow. "

Somewhere out there

So it has been impressed upon me by my gut feeling that I should go ahead and get the things that I want to fill my house by the beach with. "So does someone in your family have a beach house?," I was asked; and "I thought you would  be in an apartment first", commented another. No, no one that I know (of yet) is planning on giving me a house, though I know that it could happen. That is how I received the car of my dreams -- it was just given to me with love from a friend. Or I could just as easily find success in sharing my talents, of Reiki Master, make up artist, maker of natural skincare products (and various crafty things), and of selling goods made, or even my newest endeavor of writing. It will come, I know it will. And it's ok for now not to have any details figured out. And while I may end up in an apartment first (I should mentioned that I do not currently have my own place, but live with family), I dream of a small house with a yard and a fence, with a garden, chickens, and a compost pile, only a short distance to the beach. Some may see my household purchases as impractical, as I do not have a consistent job (yet), but have several that rotate between my main job of being a mama. But I find it unwise for me to sit back and hoard what little I have, because I am driven to move in a direction of progress. And I know that once I can get to the point of having "my ducks in a row", then I can be the most beneficial to others, which has been my original quest from when I was a little girl.

Regina Spektor

I love, love, love Regina Spektor, therefore she gets an entire post.

Fidelity by Regina Spektor (since it was one of my first favorite of her songs.)

Fidelity

 

On the Radio

 

 

Two Birds

 

These are older songs, the ones that I fell in love with first, but I love her new stuff too! Check out Eet, Laughing With, and All the Rowboats, and Better.

Three very different sounds

The link between these 3 videos: I like them.

 

A favorite of mine for quite some time.

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

 

 

 

I first heard this song on a commercial and I knew I had to hear more.

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons 

 

 

 

Thanks to Caleb for broadening my range of music back in the day of lunch at the farmer's market.

Bon Iver at AIR Studios  (4AD/Jagjaguwar Session)

 

Roll with the Punches

I had the most fantastic day yesterday. Let me say to start off with that it was nothing like I first or even second had planned. I had first thought I had some freelance work out of town for Friday and Saturday, subsequently I booked a job doing a bride's makeup in the same area since I thought I would be in town. The work fell threw. Then, I thought, since I have to go out of town to do the bride's makeup, I will make it a social affair since a friend is having a bbq and a bunch of old friends were going to get together the next day. But then my childcare fell through. After being initially bummed out and brewing in that murky state of mine for a bit, a friend of mine said, "Whatever is meant to happen." It resonated with me, and I realized I needed to roll with the punches. On the way to the church to do the bride's makeup, I passed a furniture consignment store and a thrift store, as well as a linens and fabric store. Perfect. These are the places I should go on the way back home after my makeup gig, I thought. And it was the most exciting day I have had in a long time. A post called Riding the Tide is coming soon to show you some of the things that came my way. I am so thankful that I was able to change my view of what I thought needed to happen to letting life come to me.

Lenka sings "Roll with the Punches." Check out her other songs too. They are incredible.

A splash of color





This post is dedicated to my 11 year old niece.

 

My niece's "cool" fingernails

My "pukish purple" nails

So this weekend, I got to spend some time with my one and only niece, and along the way I found a bit of myself. It started with a run to pick up waterproof mascara. (I take life as it comes, and when it is 10pm the night before you are due to do a bride's makeup at 8:15am, and you realize you are out of waterproof mascara; it is time for a trip to the store.)

I don't remember much about being 11 years old, but I do know that having fun is essential. So I let my niece pick out a new nail polish. Deep Teal. Adding a lime stripe and 2 dots of silver glitter seemed just the thing to add a little detail. I thought it was pretty even before she picked it. This led to a late night nail party including my niece, mom, sister, and myself. My niece called the color I chose "pukish purple," though I found it a lovely shade of greyish purple. It's probably been over 5 years since I have worn polish on my nails, and I might cycle back to my ultra natural me again, but for now I will definitely be sporting some polish. I see some short red nails and maybe even a light teal in the near future.

 

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
― Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds 







A Prayer and a Song

Things like this get me through this life.

I was once accused of being too optimistic (it was not intended as a compliment.) It is not that I think all of life is easy or that I live in my own magical dreamland. It's just that I have known hard times, and I have known desperation. And I choose not to dwell there. I can not, it kills the hope with in me. This life is too short to not marvel in the wonderful, be it ever so small.

 

 

“May today there be peace within.  
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. 
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. 
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.  
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.  
It is there for each and every one of us.”  

-Prayer of St Teresa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My journey to Reiki

Funny how life brings things to us.

For the past two years, I knew I needed to find out more about Reiki. I didn't know what it was or where to find out, but it came to me. It kept popping up, in a good book, in a blog that I followed, in my answers to peoples question of "What would you like to do?", then in a reputable source that led me where to take classes.

 

Some things are better experienced than explained. Reiki is one of them.

But I do want to give you a glimpse of what it is and encourage you to experience it for yourself, if you feel compelled.

Reiki, is a balancing practice for your whole body: mind, body, and spirit through vibrational healing. Generally, in a full session, the Reiki Practitioner places their hands gently on or above the clients head, shoulders, stomach, back, knees, and feet. There have been times, when I've only had a few minutes to share Reiki with someone in need, and their pain that diminished in a few minutes. This day in age, we seldom take the time to stop and be still. Reiki is fantastic for giving you a chance to just be as it as it engages your bodies own self healing, aids in relaxation, and stress relief. It is not intended to diagnose problems or take the place of your regular healthcare, but to maintain your balance if you are healthy; or if you are suffering, to be used in conjunction with other treatments.

I dream of one day having my own practice where I can share this gift with others, and that will come in it's own time. For now, it has been invaluable to me in my own healing journey. There are 5 principles associated with Reiki, and it's amazing how it can change your perspective!

The secret art of inviting happiness
The miraculous medicine of all diseases
Just for today, do not anger
Do not worry and be filled with gratitude
Devote yourself to your work. Be kind to people.
Every morning and evening, join your hands in prayer.
Pray these words to your heart
and chant these words with your mouth
Usui Reiki Treatment for the improvement of body and mind
The founder , Usui Mikao

I find some accept Reiki very easily and others are closed to it, as they can not fully dissect what is happening. Or they may be open to it in the hands on practice, but not distance Reiki (as it can be just as affective when the practitioner and client are not in the same place) . Excuse my poor simile, but just as a cell phone uses vibrations to transmit sound through the air, so Reiki is transmitted through the hands of a Reiki Practitioner to the client. Or just as people pray for others half way across the world, so can Reiki do good for someone not physically present for a treatment.
Even I was skeptical of Reiki before I experienced it, but as I have practiced on myself and others, I have only seen good come from it as it can do no harm. My last client commented, she was so appreciative of its gentleness.

Still not ready to give Reiki a try. It's ok. There are so many wonderful healing modalities, acupuncture, essential oil aromatherapy, yoga, tai chi, massage, craniosacral therapy, and chiropractor, time in nature, music, just to name a few. My advice is to do something that resonates for you to maintain your wellbeing and to take care of yourself.

Together Wherever We Go

So yesterday I spent the day with a good friend that I don't get the chance to hang out with often.
At one point in the day, due to a small hole in a container of baby food, my friend's whole neck down to her chest was covered in pureed apricot. I laughed out loud so hard, and I am not typically the type of person to laugh at someone else's expense. But there was something about it, maybe because it could have just as easily been me, or maybe because I spilt milk all over myself in the car a few days earlier, or maybe it was because we were together to witness it. To share in what seemed like a horrible thing, wipe up the mess together, and to continue on. ( I wiped the floor and she wiped her chest:) 
The same is true for the bigger "horrible things" in life, sometimes by sharing them with a close friends, they don't seem quite so bad. Especially upon looking back at them. I was once told the more embarrassing something is is at the moment, the funnier it will seem later. I think the same can be said with difficult situations. The harder it is at the time, the more you will grow and be stronger later.

Whether you are covered in apricots as you read this, or feel utterly alone without hope as you battle some "horrible thing," take heart, others have and are trodding where you've been whether you can see them or not. Keep on, wipe off the apricots if you need to, call a friend in for reinforcement if possible, but most of all keep on.

The song Together Wherever We Go from the musical Gypsy comes to mind.
"Wherever we go, whatever we do,  we're gonna go through it together. Together, wherever we go."

Gettin' Dark

The point in the day defined as "Gettin' dark"

The hum of crickets

The flash of lightning bugs

The cool of the evening and the warmth of a sweater

The feel of lush green grass under my feet

The stillness of the shadowy trees

The smell of something sweet blooming nearby

The peace that fills the air and the night sky

All of it begs me to sit and be still awhile

This beautiful painting is by a wonderful artist Toni Grote. You can browse & purchase her work here.



Simple Pleasures

Homemade strawberry jelly on a toasted, buttered croissant

The music from Rent the musical

Talking with a true friend

 Watermelon on a hot day

Glass of raw milk

 Driving in the country

Having a delicious breakfast prepared by a friend

Sleeping later than you have in 3 years

The smell of honeysuckle

Picking colors out for your place

Time alone

"It beats inside of me."

I just love this song! I have to move when I hear it.

I told my sister, "It just beats inside of me."

 

 

 

And an old favorite.

 

 

"Super Mom" revealed

One aspect of who I am is being a mom.
I recently was watching "The Pioneer Woman" on tv, and it sickened me because Ree was teaching her kids how to make strawberry jam & researching things in the pond, all while making a delicious looking soup. I had the "She is the perfect mom" jealousy wash over me, followed by "I'm not a good enough mom." [For the record, my sister knows Ree and she is a wonderful person and mom.]

The other day I ran into a mom, who had a sick 4 month old, who said, "I'm not a super mom like you." The statement took me aback, didn't she know that I was no where near the mom I wanted to be. Another friend of mine, (who is a mom of 3 little boys and one of the sweetest creatures alive) said to me about spending time with a mutual friend, "Will she think I'm boring?" I responded with something like, "Don't you know how amazing you are to be with? You are wonderful." Just today I was speaking with yet another mom friend (you can see we all stick together) who was exasperated with lack of time to care for her own needs. Time management for moms should be an Olympic sport, it would look something like - In your 5 free minutes, do you try to make money, clean the house, shave the forest on your legs, or God forbid, relax a little. (Why do we feel so guilty that we are humans with needs?) I know, I have been there.

There is this fictional character out there called "Super Mom" that haunts us.
You know the one, she and her kids are perfect, and she has-it-all together all-the-time.

This all to say, that if you are a mom and you are trying, I applaud you.
I applaud even louder if you try to care for your own need first. I can hear the gasps as well as the sighs of relief. (Kind of like in airplanes, how we are suppose to put the face mask with oxygen on our self first. The idea of if you are at your best you can be better for those around you.) Of course, I'm not advocating leaving your kid in a hot car while you go inside to take a bath or anything crazy dangerous like that.
It is OK that you are a person with needs, its OK to have days where things don't go right at all (you know the covered in avocado, when was the last time I showered, yes that is my child crying days). Be the first to show yourself grace. Or if it's another mom's bad day - show her grace too.
There is no room for jealousy when others have what appear to be "Super Mom" days.
And be ever proud of yourself when things go incredibly well, and you make jam and go to the pond and have yummy soup :)

be yourself, do what you love.

A few of my favorite things

Two of my favorite movies as a little girl were The Sound of Music by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II and Hello, Dolly! starring Barbra Streisand.
 
In a song written for The Sound of Music, Oscar Hammerstein II wrote, "A bell's not a bell 'til you ring it, A song's not a song 'til you sing it, Love in your heart isn't put there to stay, Love isn't love 'til you give it away!"
 
My favorite quote in Hello, Dolly! is by the character Dolly Levi, "Money, Pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow."
 
I think it is vital to life to share. Whether it be a laugh, a struggle, or an iced coffee.
Just as vital, I feel is it to take good care of oneself.
So I will share with you a few of my favorite things of late.
 




beet colored lip gloss (made from real beets)
a pretty summer scarf
a necklace with a shell I found at the beach
tan skin
the smell of argon oil
iced vanilla Frappuccino
swimming in the deep of the ocean
                                                      the color of mustard yellow

the sound of waves lapping on the shore
orange pineapple ice cream 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She picks sea shells by the sea shore

In an interview with Anita Moorjani that I was listening to, she says that to get in touch with who you really are, ask yourself the following questions: "What do I like? What do I like doing? What makes me happy? What brings me joy? What makes me tick? What makes me feel alive?"

 

Becoming Bess is going to be a journal of me figuring out the answers to these questions.

One of our newest habits is picking up shells and sea stones from the beach. They strike me with their various color, ranging from blues and violets, a hundred shades of grey, to even greenish, orange or red shells.Their textures run from smooth as silk to ridged and jagged. And patterns, oh, the patterns, the stripes, the spirals and the mixing of colors. I find their natural beauty and their uniqueness breathtaking. Shells I once would have thought not good enough, ones with holes or pieces of once larger shells now catch my eye. The patterns revealed from once being broken now reveal such intricate beauty. And the smoothing effect of being constantly tossed by the waves lends a certain grace to their being.
I guess a part of me relates to these shells. (Which is very much a huge part of being Bess - finding my role in whatever movie or surrounding I am in to relate to.) Now at 31 with a bit more life experience under my belt, I sometimes feel like I'm still being tossed back and forth in the crashing tide. But at the same time, I can understand better that it is all part of the process.

 

“It's only when caterpillarness is done that one becomes a butterfly. That again is part of this paradox. You cannot rip away caterpillarness. The whole trip occurs in an unfolding process of which we have no control.”
― Ram Dass, Be Here Now

Becoming Bess is a tribute to the beauty, laughter, and lessons learned in my life as I am on my quest of being the truest to myself, while like a shell being tossed in the tide or the caterpillar in its catipillarness I journey on.