The process

Tonight I had the best time with my niece & nephew in the back yard. We played a game with 2 balls and rules we made up. Then we had races. All types of races, running, shuffling, skipping, backwards running, (we even attempted a wheel barrel race, though we did not get far.) My 13 year old nephew kept telling me that I couldn't beat him. And it was true that he crossed the finish line before me every time. But what he couldn't have known is that I felt like I was winning by just participating. I have never been a runner, but something about it has called out to me lately. (I was so proud of my 3 blocks I ran at the beach the other day.) It felt so good to do something for my body. To sweat, to keep on when I was winded, to keep at it when it was hard.

I feel the same way about my newest endeavor: tinted balms for cheeks and lips. I tried 2 new potential dyes today, to find out that neither wouldn't work, but then on my 3rd try, I created the most beautiful shade of reddish orange. (Also a surprise because I thought it would be more orangey red, [yes, there is a difference].) There are so many variables, what dye, how much, how long, mixing it with another, at what ratio, what label would best represent this shade. How the powder form varies from the root or seed form in depth of color. How I need to make adjustments to my etsy page. What type of etsy advertising do I want to do. What vendors do I want to seek out next. Do I go ahead and order more tins?

But what I am discovering is that this figuring it out is not a problem, it is problem solving. And it feels incredible. To work hard and get each product to where I feel happy about it, has been a real joy. Same for finding new clothes and items for my "one day" house. This process has brought life back into my weary soul.

I also realized tonight that I haven't  "let go" of guilt for not being where I thought I would at this point in my life. For inside of me, not trusting the process of life to get me to where I yearn to be. Or feeling guilty for feeling this way. But I think admitting this is also part of the process of being able to move forward. One day my tinted balms will be a success, and I live in my peaceful, color filled home, and will have moved on to the next venture, but had I not lived at my parent's home on this summer day, I would have missed an irreplaceable experience with my niece and nephew.

The finished product. [Not the shade mentioned in the post. That one is so new it hasn't been photographed yet.]