Finding the off switch

The most wonderful thing happened this week, I found the off switch.

A woman once told me that it was very difficult to work from her home because there was not a separation between working time and down time. In the back of her mind it was always work.

For the past few years I have always had the "I need to figure out how to make money" constantly on in my head. How it drowned out time with my son. Time preparing good food or time to be able to rest. The past year there has also been, "I need to figure out how to afford my own place, make money while not sacrificing time with my son." Then there was, "people are probably thinking I should move out of my parents so I do not drain them." (No one ever said this, yet I thought it vividly just the same.)

Then, it happened. The flip switched. And I realized that it is ok for me to live here now. I can work toward moving out but not at the "I have to move out yesterday" speed. That money will come and I can stop thinking about it every second. And I have thoroughly enjoyed time spend with my son this week and we have eaten at home more. It has been incredible.

And in general, I just feel at peace. Able to be. without all the figuring.

"Kiss your life...."

Yesterday, I had the most incredible time taking my lip balms to 2 potential venders. When I was finished, I had some time to spare. I was on Front Street downtown Wilmington. It is such a wonderful place to be surrounded by such life: people on bicycles, musicians on the street corner, and being so close to the water. A store called Manifest caught my eye, enough to cross the street and go in. I saw a piece  of art that stuck a cord deep within me. It was simply a quote that read:

"Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now. So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by."

And it was a sweet, blissful afternoon, not even getting soaked in the rain dampened my spirits.
Sweet Ping desperately trying to sell me fudge, shoes, or anything. Kind Liane talking with me.
But then the evening began to fall and loneliness tried to creep in, blinding me to the fact that I was at the beach with my little one. Thankfully I realized the spell it was trying to cast on me before I let it overtake me. Then again today a darkness tried to surround me and make me forget all the good that surrounds me. And just when I felt lost and alone, a warm kindness of a stranger and the generosity of family friends fall upon me without them even knowing that I needed it at that very moment.

So "muchos besos" (as my Spanish family would say) to my life then, now, and in the future. But mostly to the now.

Gliding

I made the best purchase the other night: a $7 scooter, just my size.
I have been going on scooter rides pretty regularly for months. (But I have been walking them as my son scooters.) Now to be scootering too, I can't tell you how much a difference it makes.
When I was walking with him, our pace was determined by him. If he slowed, I would stand and wait. I would get impatient on the way back in the heat. I was more of a onlooker in the activity than a partaking in it.

In some ways this year has been like my journey from getting up, to walking, and finally to gliding.
I realized this today as I was doing figure 8s and circles on my scooter, while I was waiting for my son. It felt so free to glide, to be moving even if I wasn't progressing anymore than I would be if I was standing there. Maybe I wasn't getting any closer to my goal, but it sure felt good to move. To feel the wind. To feel free.

You see, I moved back home with my parents about a year ago and was just plain tired.  A good friend of mine (that I talked to today) helped me get up and get moving when all I yearned for was to just curl up and just lay there. There are times in life when we are fortunate to just lay there, and there are other times when we have to try, flailing though we may be. And how I have attempted it all, some good fits, some not so much. But I am so encouraged by the fact that I have been trying, moving.

As I was telling the same friend today, I finally feel like my life is flowing, whereas a year ago, I felt stuck, and it was all I could do to put one step in front of another. Then months past, and I was troding, but what a heavy trod. And now I'm still not to the end of my road, but what a glorious feeling to glide. I still don't quite feel as I set the pace for how fast I am getting to the goal, but I am enjoying the ride. And what a difference that makes!

The process

Tonight I had the best time with my niece & nephew in the back yard. We played a game with 2 balls and rules we made up. Then we had races. All types of races, running, shuffling, skipping, backwards running, (we even attempted a wheel barrel race, though we did not get far.) My 13 year old nephew kept telling me that I couldn't beat him. And it was true that he crossed the finish line before me every time. But what he couldn't have known is that I felt like I was winning by just participating. I have never been a runner, but something about it has called out to me lately. (I was so proud of my 3 blocks I ran at the beach the other day.) It felt so good to do something for my body. To sweat, to keep on when I was winded, to keep at it when it was hard.

I feel the same way about my newest endeavor: tinted balms for cheeks and lips. I tried 2 new potential dyes today, to find out that neither wouldn't work, but then on my 3rd try, I created the most beautiful shade of reddish orange. (Also a surprise because I thought it would be more orangey red, [yes, there is a difference].) There are so many variables, what dye, how much, how long, mixing it with another, at what ratio, what label would best represent this shade. How the powder form varies from the root or seed form in depth of color. How I need to make adjustments to my etsy page. What type of etsy advertising do I want to do. What vendors do I want to seek out next. Do I go ahead and order more tins?

But what I am discovering is that this figuring it out is not a problem, it is problem solving. And it feels incredible. To work hard and get each product to where I feel happy about it, has been a real joy. Same for finding new clothes and items for my "one day" house. This process has brought life back into my weary soul.

I also realized tonight that I haven't  "let go" of guilt for not being where I thought I would at this point in my life. For inside of me, not trusting the process of life to get me to where I yearn to be. Or feeling guilty for feeling this way. But I think admitting this is also part of the process of being able to move forward. One day my tinted balms will be a success, and I live in my peaceful, color filled home, and will have moved on to the next venture, but had I not lived at my parent's home on this summer day, I would have missed an irreplaceable experience with my niece and nephew.

The finished product. [Not the shade mentioned in the post. That one is so new it hasn't been photographed yet.]

The measure of success

 I had a very successful day yesterday. I went out in quest of showing one of my products to find some new vendors. I knew not to make a list when I set out, because I knew with the amount of time I had and the distance to cover, there was no way that I could see all the places that I wanted to visit. I decided to take the next move as it came. And let the interactions that I had not be rushed, but let myself have quality interactions with people.
Let me tell you, I saw a lot of green!! (Ok, so it wasn't money.) I actually spent money most places I went. At the end of the day, I had no new orders. But in reflection, I still consider this day a success. A picture at one place I stopped said, "Hard work is the yeast that rises the dough." I got to check in with a current vendor & left with a book on flowers. I got some great feedback and some potential ideas from another, and left with a great buckeye and a cream soda. I stopped into 2 other stores that rent out vender spaces, to look around to get ideas. It was there that the "What are you doing?" "Your not doing it right" feeling surged through my insides. So I decided it was just the right time to take my friends advice and go to the beach alone. How fantastic it felt to swim out in the deep and then just float, not trying to do anything, but just be. Chased all those thoughts away, and brought me back to a state of wellbeing. I got to ride in the country with all it's lush green, swim in an ocean the shade of tea, talk with people along the way, and take what I gleaned. I am so very proud of myself for taking initiative, even though it seems far fetched, even though "for the present" I have "nothing" to show for it. I leapt and it feels good to try. So I will keep leaping until I land on the ground that I want to be on.

Inspiration

Covered in ...

What can you do when you think your jumping on solid ground to discover that you are really jumping into a boggy mud?
I let out a very loud laugh, then went to look for a faucet to wash my foot clean.

It is so much easier to laugh at being covered in mud literally than when your day seems to be covered in mud.


I once heard a man say (sorry, mama, in advance for the PG-13 word:), Let the shit in your life be your fertilizer.

So after a good cry and a good nap (about the life part, not the foot), I'm back at "keepin on."

Journey back with me

Music from many different decades has always resonated with me.

Truckin' by Fats Waller

 

Baby it's Cold Outside by Doris Day and Bing Crosby

 

Brand New Key by Melanie

takes me back to the days of Biochemistry with Indi and Matt





a few gifts

I was so excited today to open my package that came in the post (sometimes I forget what I order :) to see that it was wood. Red Sandalwood to be specific. Now that I have a few shades that I love in my tinted balm for cheeks and lips, I wanted to expand the shade selection. Today, I have been extremely tired, as I was yesterday, so I am not going to attempt it right now, but I am excited to see what it will turn out to be.....

The other gift was being instrumental in someone else's decision. Isn't it funny how by letting someone help you out, in turn, you help them out as well. What a beautiful dance life is, like a square dance with out the guy shouting out what move to do next. (Or maybe he is and we just don't hear him.) Passing from one partner to the next, the dance is the same, but each person has their own take on it, as each persons experiences slightly differ. (To be more specific, as I generally speak in general terms: I commented on a blog I found when I was looking for my own one day. Bess, I am a blogger now. and my comment came at a crucial time to encourage her to keep blogging.  Michelle shares one of the most difficult & beautiful gifts: being candid. What a powerful thing it is to share: the mistakes, the highs, and the in between days. When we are real with each other, it is then that we connect the deepest, for we realize that we are not alone in our struggles. And what a bright hope that brings.)

Not long ago, I too had a "random" interaction with another on the internet by quite an unusual chance. And though it was just a short exchange, it too lifted my spirits, helped me realize more of my worth, and gives me hope.

Michelle, you blog as long as you want to! and when you don't want to, then stop. And if you choose to start again, get back at it. I am glad that you are still wanting to blog for now and I am glad that on a 'whim' with "Bess, you is my woman, you is, you is,....Because de sorrow of de past is all done done", singing in your head, you chose your blog title. May the sun shine bright for you today. Your friend, Bess

In the Crystal Shop

I realized today that I am in the crystal shop.
Figuratively that is.
This is a reference to my favorite book (at this time) -- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. (Thank you Megan for introducing me!) In the book, the main character is on his quest to find his Personal Legend. As he is journeying, he follows the omens to being robbed by a thief, leaving him no money, and he ends up working at a crystal shop for a year. "He could see that it wasn't exactly the kind of job that would make him happy." But he gives it his all, as it is all that he has in the present moment. He ends up learning much and giving back as well, before he was able to move on to following his Personal Legend. What seemed like a misfortune initially, actually profited him.

So how did I make the most of my present today, I cleaned the kitchen, I dusted the living room, I took the cat to the vet, I helped a bunch of girls add fabric appliques to shirts for a birthday party, I read my son lots of bed time stories. As you can see, its not always glamorous, but I can assure you that it was rewarding. To take care of what I have, to help others, to make the best use of my time, to invest in others.

So I am in the crystal shop, I have far to go; and I will get there. But it is a time for me to work hard where I am, enjoy my present moment, and let the lessons I am learning, mold me into who I am. And as they come, I am following the omens. {"What are those?", I can hear you thinking. Its is simply following the voice inside you, or your gut feeling, or an offer that comes out of nowhere, or a lead from a trusted friend, it's the things you can't quite always reasonably explain, but you just know you have to follow.}

Kopecky Family Band

Ran across the Kopecky Family Band recently, and had to share these with you!

 

Hope

 

Angry Eyes

 

Are you listening

 

Heartbeat

 

See if they are playing near you soon (here).



Cat Walk

 Sweet Shadow continued his journey today. My kind friend picked him to take him to the shelter that she volunteers at. Shadow let me hold him for the first time today. I am sad that he had to go. But I am grateful that he was with us for at least a short time, and I am thankful that he is being taken care of well now and that someone who is in a situation to care for him well will adopt him.  
A friend recently reminded me that "we never know who will be put in our path for a reason, a season or a lifetime." It quickens the fire under me to get my life in order that I would be capable to help others more.
My son and I recently read Cat Walk by Mary Stolz.
Phenomenal book! (So it's in the juvenile section at the library, which I like to call "the books for all ages" section.) It tells the story of another black cat whos journey home leads him to many places, some kind and others not. He even bravely left the place of his birth in order to find this place where he was most at peace. Letting go can be excruciating, but it can also be very cleansing and beneficial, if we let it.
So I had to let go of Shadow, so he could "journey on." It is comforting to me that even though it seems that Shadow was in my life for just a season, I was able to show him kindness & send him to a place where he will experience more kindness. And he in return brought a heartfelt smile to my face and the joy of sharing love.

An old shirt to a statement piece

 I always smile when I get compliments on my purple/grey shirt with the bird applique (because  it is at least 6 years old.) A year and a half ago I added the bird, and it became something special. I have always liked lots of color and I have come to appreciate attention to detail. So I took 2 old shirts and 2 shirts that I got at an outlet store about a year ago and added some fabric appliques.
You would be surprised how easy it is to do this. (I know what your thinking, and I used to think the same thing, "Oh sure, you can do it but I never could.") All it takes is an old shirt, scrap of fabric, fuse-n-tear stabalizer, heat & bond lite, an iron, and sewing in the zig zag setting. {Iron the fuzzy side of the fuse-n-tear to the back side of your shirt, then iron the bumpy side of the heat&bond to the wrong side of the fabric (a few seconds), cut out your design, peal of the paper, place it on your shirt, and iron a few more seconds. Then use the zig zag all around the edge.} Waaloh! Your new statement piece.

Finding my inner my Little Pony and Mermaid

I recently posted about enjoying nail color with my niece.
While we were picking out nail color, I mentioned that I had thought of getting some hair chalk. And found some the next day. Oh, how much I am loving the purple streaks in my hair. I have known 2 other gorgeous ladies who have added purple to their hair, and it was so beautiful. I just ordered a few new colors here. What's great about this site is that you can order just one if you don't want to try it out before you make a big investment.
Whether it is a red lipstick or a pair of Birkenstocks, or a plain white shirt or a feathered headband, figure out what resonates with you and embrace it. I think you will find yourself happier and more confident.

My wardrobe should get it's Passport stamped

My friend Mary recently made a comment to me that since we were in our 30's we finally had figured out our style of clothes and hair that fit us best. I thought, "I must be a late bloomer, as I feel like I am just starting to grasp the essence of me expressed in my clothes and hair." For a long time I think I struggled wondering about the vanity in it.  Or other times, I would have liked to be dressed more like "Bess," but felt I couldn't afford to or was unsure of how to start.
One of my mom's best qualities is that she loves her children deeply, but stands back to let us make our own decisions in life. And when she does make a comment, she tries to be ever so gentle, so when a few months ago she quietly mentioned that I might should get some new shoes, I knew it was past time. Then taking a open eyed look at my shoes to see how bedraggled they were, I realized that was not the image I want to put out there about myself.
I think with most things in life, it can be advantageous to pursue what makes us happy, if it can add to our life without taking it over. Balance. To enjoy it but not be consumed with it. So I started the ongoing process of "Bessifying" my wardrobe. And, oh, what a pretty rainbow my closet is becoming.

I have found some beautiful dresses for 50 cents at a thrift store. Been given hand-me-down jeans and blouses for free. And then, I've spruced up some plain shirts with fabric appliques. And I've fallen in love with my lilac cotton scarf with bluebirds. And gotten a few razorback tanks. But what I am most excited about is over the next few weeks, I will be receiving packages from Thailand, India, & Israel, for custom ordered flowy pants (that with shipping didn't exceed $40 a pair) on etsy and ebay. And I'm still searching for the perfect fabric for harem pants.  
I remember being in NYC once as a young girl and even then I was drawn to the bright yet natural colors and flowy styles of Eastern cultures. Then in my 20s when I would visit Spain, I fell in love with their free spirit mixed with practicality. 
It has been so much fun growing my wardrobe to fit my lifestyle and personality. Soft and comfy filled with natural, yet vibrant color that is unique, pretty, and practical.

The gift that lay beyond the door

"It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat."

-lyrics to "Eet" by Regina Spektor

The beauty of completely losing yourself is in finding yourself fully again.
Compared to partly losing yourself, you may not even realize part of you is missing.
(Makes me think of The Princess Bride, mostly dead and all dead.)

I wrote the following over a year and a half ago. The journey back takes time; I know as I am still journeying. But keep on, you will be glad you did, when you look in the mirror and see the you you had always wanted to be. And in the in between, be kind to the you that is now.

"Outside was beckoning me with the sun peeping in the window
I was too busy organizing the clutter of my thoughts
If it was not for a restless frustration of my small one
I would have missed the gift that lay beyond the door
Everything was bathed in sunlight and wetness from the rain gone
And I saw my life -- the freshness after the rain
Silky blue sky, fluffy clouds, & a few lingering grey ones with light around
A deep breath
A newness
 Suddenly life was a blank canvas & I knew what colors to add."

So be sad.

The past few days, weeks, and years I have been coming to grips about change in my life. And of late, I have been extremely sad. But it has been good to be sad. (Sounds crazy, I know.) But when doors close, (although I know on the other side of this sadness there is the most beautiful life awaiting me), it is important to mourn. I am all about focusing on the positive and being hopeful. And I am still those things in the midst of this. Past denial, I am allowing myself to just sit here in the sadness, until somewhere inside I know I can move on. Retreating to lick my wounds till I feel more whole.
I remember another sad time in my life and I was professionally encouraged that I should get "help" with my sadness in the form of medication. I do believe she intended well. Those that loved me wanted me to be well. And so did I. I didn't know then, that it is ok to be sad. In fact, I would go as far as to say it is healthy for a time. I hear my own voice (that is normally informing my son, "It's ok to be sad."), and I now use it for me.
I think of emotional intelligence, a concept I have much to learn about. But the premise is to be aware of your feelings in an effort to be more grounded in how you live. (forgive my poor description.)
"I'm sad," I tell myself. "So be sad," I respond.
So what now? I choose not to feel hopeless. I choose to, while being sad, be grateful as well. To continue to move. Move fast even, as I have been here for quite some time & feel ready to move on. It's time to act. Follow my heart. To not be paralyzed. Follow the flicker of joy and beauty and love.
I choose to face this now instead of letting it linger the rest of my life so that I can once again be happy, healthy, and helpful.

Shadow

A memory came to me in the form of a tiny kitten. This little black creature appeared in our yard and started to follow our sweet Daniel cat  everywhere, even up and down the trees. The name Shadow seemed appropriate. (Look under Daniel in the picture and you will find Shadow.)
But then I realized there was more significance of Shadow than meets the eye.
In a way, this teeny kitten was my shadow, as well. Scrawny and scared, and a bit worse for wear, it came here, just as I did about a year ago. Both of us with out another place to go, both feeling unwanted, and unable to care for our basic needs. There is a hole on Shadow's right side that is still open but looks like its been there quite awhile by the look of the loss of fur. I too came with my own emotional wounds. I think of who I am today, far from scrawny and no longer fearful. The fear of life not supporting me, of being alone, of letting others down, of accepting help, of not being able to be who I wanted, has been replaced with a belief that "all is well", of being at peace and feeling confident, of knowing how to accept love, and hopeful "To dream the impossible dream."
I don't know if I will be able to keep Shadow the cat for good (as I do not yet live in my own home) but at the least she has eaten today and been talked to sweetly. At the least, I will get her to a friend who has contacts at a local shelter.
I went out just now in the dark of night to check on her and, as I figured, she stayed in the shadows.
But wouldn't it be incredible if my own home found me soon, and Shadow and I could both find a place for both of us to call home together.

Wonderful people

Sometimes I forget that I really love people. Not specific ones, just in general. They can really be wonderful. For instance, today at the beach a couple sent there little one (she couldn't have been older than 2) to the Italian Ice cart by herself with some money (not such a wonderful thing to do.) After she tried to give my son her money for his Italian Ice, she made her way closer to the cart then turned and tried to give her money to a man sitting in a chair. When he pointed to the cart and she didn't move, he got up and went with her to help her get her sweet treat. He stayed with her till she got it and sent her on her way with the change once he had helped her pick her flavor. What a wonderful thing that man did to help such an innocent one, and the beautiful thing is that he did not have to, he didn't even know her.
Then I had a few glimpses today of 3 different moms with their son that just radiated life. The first was a mom teaching her son to boogie board,; she was with him in the water for the longest time. The second was the deep open smile of a mom playing with her son in the waves, and the third was a mom with a baby boy. She was dancing him around talking or singing to him.
They are out there if you look for it--The kind people, the joyful people, and if you want to see a smiling face just share one of yours (its crucial that its a genuine one) with someone else (even if its not anyone you know), and most likely you will be greeted with a deep smile in return.
Or maybe there's no one around and you don't have it in you to smile, then look around and enjoy something. The colorful clouds at dusk, the stars in the country sky, the sun shining, the fact that you are comfy and fed, look close enough till you see something that brings a deep smile. You may need to make a change to find it, but it will be worth it when you do.

The rule

I had the best time today at the beach with my little boy. One of his favorite things to do is jump the waves. I stay close by, letting him have the freedom to play and face some big waves by himself. Other times, I scoop him up and fly him across a big wave. I even stood behind him some so that when the force of the waves pushed him back the strength of my legs would keep him up. But not so much that he depended on my legs to always be there. And then there were a few times when I wasn't able to get to him till after he was under for a second or he would go under and get out himself.

I wondered what would be the best rule of letting him fall or not, of being with him every step or letting  him do it all himself. And I decided that my rule should be: There are no rules,  except to stay close.

Just like life, I think it is good to have a mix. Of having people in your life to fall back on or to jump with. But it is also good to be knocked down and know that you can get back up again all by yourself. Or sometimes to be pulled out when the force against you is too great to bear. And even though you are not sure what every wave will bring, at least your out there in the midst of life instead of sitting on the sand wondering if the waves will knock you down or be a great adventure.

Videos that make me smile

This one goes back to dorm days with Kim. I would listen to it over and over and dance along.

 

 

 

This is a new one that makes me smile.



Wishing Balls

 Sometimes I feel like a tough piece of meat that is in the fridge marinating. How I long till I'll be ready to be served on a warm, clean plate along with some buttery potatoes and some leafy greens. I long to be tender with a complex flavor that only comes with time being surrounded by many different flavors.

Yesterday I had some time to myself and decided to do something to bring me life instead of running the errands that I had originally planned on. I went to 2 consignment stores to look at the beautiful treasures that lay there in wait of being admired and enjoyed. At the first store, I found a brilliant blue ceramic container with a lid. Then at the second store, my thoughts started overwhelming my being. "What do you think you are doing?" "Don't you know your bank account is dwindling?" "How dare you spend money on things for you, don't you know these are closer to retail prices (In my world of 50 cent dresses and $4 bookshelves.) Then the lady that worked there, interrupted my thoughts to say, "It's nice to see you today." "That was nice to hear," I thought, "normally only people that know you will say that." I uncross my arms and tried to open myself up to the possibilities instead of  telling myself that I was in a tough situation. I look around, telling myself to appreciate the beauty in what I see, or get ideas for things to make. There were 2 colored dishes, one blue and one green with glass lids, they were so pretty, but I couldn't bring myself to buy them. I decide to leave with out anything when I spotted them. Just by the exit door were, blue glass balls with rope around them to hang from the ceiling. I loved them. Then I saw the price tag. "I can't spend that much", I thought. Then I thought about how I had been trying to view life recently. Letting life in as it comes my way, instead of always dreaming about what it will look like in the future. So I bought them. As Tammy (Not sure if you spell it with an "y" or an "I") was checking me out, she asked, "Where are you going to put these?" I smiled and responded, "One day I will have a house, and I will put them there." She told me that she was also getting things for her "one day
 place and commented that these. "They are your wishing balls," she said. . I shared St. Teresa's Prayer (here) and my blog with her, and she told me that I had inspired her. Little did she know that she had helped lift the dark cloud of my thoughts by her warm welcome and kindness to those around her.

As much as I will love having my house filled with beautiful color that will be my haven of peace, I'm thankful for the opportunity to add another spice to the marinade of my life. The biggest treasure is to be able to brush against each other's lives along the way and inspire each other. To know that others are going through what we are, that we are not alone. And to encourage each other to keep on.

 

Want some of your own "wishing balls," find some here.

Want to find your own treasures at the consignment shop where I discovered my "wishing balls", visit here. 

Riding the tide

It is in my nature to be on the thrifty side, even when I had excess money. So finding myself in a situation of needing to update my look for my wellbeing, needing to afford my own place and fill it with everything that makes a home a home, while looking after daily needs of myself and my little boy, you can imagine that I might be frozen not knowing where to start. Since I haven gotten a few essential clothes, enough for me to feel like myself, I find it time to start growing the things for my home. (Never mind the fact that I don't have my own home, or the money for it, nor does it appear to look like I will anytime soon. But you know what they say, appearances can be deceiving.) So I have decided to ride the tide for now and scoop up the good that comes my way, then wait for the next wave to bring me more. 

After picking up some beautiful towels at a linen store in gold and blue (here), I went into a furniture consignment and immediately thought "I won't find anything in here that I can afford, it's too nice." I kept looking, then I saw a painting that caught my eye. Angela (the kind lady who worked there) was sweet enough to say she would take half of the listed price. I decided it was time to let my life flow. Let the good come in as I saw it, instead of wishing it would all fit together in more stable times. I decided to get it! As I kept looking, I found the most beautiful older books. Not only would they be a good read, but also serve as splashes of color to my home. I got a whole stack of Ogden Nash books. I figured if they all made me smile, they all deserved a place in my home. Pretty green glasses, a few water colored postcards, and my biggest piece to date (by size and money) , a beautiful settee that has a natural finish and birds on the cushions. Next, at the Goodwill, I found some lovely accent pieces to tie together what I already had. Some paper balls that hang from the ceiling, a whitish "friends" frame to add pictures to, and a wooden book shelf. I was so proud of myself for letting go of my money to get things for my home that I would enjoy. But my favorite part of the entire experience was taking my time and talking with Angela and Greg and even sharing Reiki with Angela's hurt foot. It took me back in my time in Spain when what mattered  most about time most was relationships with other people. A slower pace of life, and may I add a more rewarding one.
One of my favorite movies as a little girl was "Hello Dolly;" one of my favorite lines is as follows: Dolly Levi: "Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow. "

Somewhere out there

So it has been impressed upon me by my gut feeling that I should go ahead and get the things that I want to fill my house by the beach with. "So does someone in your family have a beach house?," I was asked; and "I thought you would  be in an apartment first", commented another. No, no one that I know (of yet) is planning on giving me a house, though I know that it could happen. That is how I received the car of my dreams -- it was just given to me with love from a friend. Or I could just as easily find success in sharing my talents, of Reiki Master, make up artist, maker of natural skincare products (and various crafty things), and of selling goods made, or even my newest endeavor of writing. It will come, I know it will. And it's ok for now not to have any details figured out. And while I may end up in an apartment first (I should mentioned that I do not currently have my own place, but live with family), I dream of a small house with a yard and a fence, with a garden, chickens, and a compost pile, only a short distance to the beach. Some may see my household purchases as impractical, as I do not have a consistent job (yet), but have several that rotate between my main job of being a mama. But I find it unwise for me to sit back and hoard what little I have, because I am driven to move in a direction of progress. And I know that once I can get to the point of having "my ducks in a row", then I can be the most beneficial to others, which has been my original quest from when I was a little girl.

Regina Spektor

I love, love, love Regina Spektor, therefore she gets an entire post.

Fidelity by Regina Spektor (since it was one of my first favorite of her songs.)

Fidelity

 

On the Radio

 

 

Two Birds

 

These are older songs, the ones that I fell in love with first, but I love her new stuff too! Check out Eet, Laughing With, and All the Rowboats, and Better.

Three very different sounds

The link between these 3 videos: I like them.

 

A favorite of mine for quite some time.

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

 

 

 

I first heard this song on a commercial and I knew I had to hear more.

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons 

 

 

 

Thanks to Caleb for broadening my range of music back in the day of lunch at the farmer's market.

Bon Iver at AIR Studios  (4AD/Jagjaguwar Session)

 

Roll with the Punches

I had the most fantastic day yesterday. Let me say to start off with that it was nothing like I first or even second had planned. I had first thought I had some freelance work out of town for Friday and Saturday, subsequently I booked a job doing a bride's makeup in the same area since I thought I would be in town. The work fell threw. Then, I thought, since I have to go out of town to do the bride's makeup, I will make it a social affair since a friend is having a bbq and a bunch of old friends were going to get together the next day. But then my childcare fell through. After being initially bummed out and brewing in that murky state of mine for a bit, a friend of mine said, "Whatever is meant to happen." It resonated with me, and I realized I needed to roll with the punches. On the way to the church to do the bride's makeup, I passed a furniture consignment store and a thrift store, as well as a linens and fabric store. Perfect. These are the places I should go on the way back home after my makeup gig, I thought. And it was the most exciting day I have had in a long time. A post called Riding the Tide is coming soon to show you some of the things that came my way. I am so thankful that I was able to change my view of what I thought needed to happen to letting life come to me.

Lenka sings "Roll with the Punches." Check out her other songs too. They are incredible.

A splash of color





This post is dedicated to my 11 year old niece.

 

My niece's "cool" fingernails

My "pukish purple" nails

So this weekend, I got to spend some time with my one and only niece, and along the way I found a bit of myself. It started with a run to pick up waterproof mascara. (I take life as it comes, and when it is 10pm the night before you are due to do a bride's makeup at 8:15am, and you realize you are out of waterproof mascara; it is time for a trip to the store.)

I don't remember much about being 11 years old, but I do know that having fun is essential. So I let my niece pick out a new nail polish. Deep Teal. Adding a lime stripe and 2 dots of silver glitter seemed just the thing to add a little detail. I thought it was pretty even before she picked it. This led to a late night nail party including my niece, mom, sister, and myself. My niece called the color I chose "pukish purple," though I found it a lovely shade of greyish purple. It's probably been over 5 years since I have worn polish on my nails, and I might cycle back to my ultra natural me again, but for now I will definitely be sporting some polish. I see some short red nails and maybe even a light teal in the near future.

 

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
― Rabindranath Tagore, Stray Birds 







A Prayer and a Song

Things like this get me through this life.

I was once accused of being too optimistic (it was not intended as a compliment.) It is not that I think all of life is easy or that I live in my own magical dreamland. It's just that I have known hard times, and I have known desperation. And I choose not to dwell there. I can not, it kills the hope with in me. This life is too short to not marvel in the wonderful, be it ever so small.

 

 

“May today there be peace within.  
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. 
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. 
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.  
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.  
It is there for each and every one of us.”  

-Prayer of St Teresa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My journey to Reiki

Funny how life brings things to us.

For the past two years, I knew I needed to find out more about Reiki. I didn't know what it was or where to find out, but it came to me. It kept popping up, in a good book, in a blog that I followed, in my answers to peoples question of "What would you like to do?", then in a reputable source that led me where to take classes.

 

Some things are better experienced than explained. Reiki is one of them.

But I do want to give you a glimpse of what it is and encourage you to experience it for yourself, if you feel compelled.

Reiki, is a balancing practice for your whole body: mind, body, and spirit through vibrational healing. Generally, in a full session, the Reiki Practitioner places their hands gently on or above the clients head, shoulders, stomach, back, knees, and feet. There have been times, when I've only had a few minutes to share Reiki with someone in need, and their pain that diminished in a few minutes. This day in age, we seldom take the time to stop and be still. Reiki is fantastic for giving you a chance to just be as it as it engages your bodies own self healing, aids in relaxation, and stress relief. It is not intended to diagnose problems or take the place of your regular healthcare, but to maintain your balance if you are healthy; or if you are suffering, to be used in conjunction with other treatments.

I dream of one day having my own practice where I can share this gift with others, and that will come in it's own time. For now, it has been invaluable to me in my own healing journey. There are 5 principles associated with Reiki, and it's amazing how it can change your perspective!

The secret art of inviting happiness
The miraculous medicine of all diseases
Just for today, do not anger
Do not worry and be filled with gratitude
Devote yourself to your work. Be kind to people.
Every morning and evening, join your hands in prayer.
Pray these words to your heart
and chant these words with your mouth
Usui Reiki Treatment for the improvement of body and mind
The founder , Usui Mikao

I find some accept Reiki very easily and others are closed to it, as they can not fully dissect what is happening. Or they may be open to it in the hands on practice, but not distance Reiki (as it can be just as affective when the practitioner and client are not in the same place) . Excuse my poor simile, but just as a cell phone uses vibrations to transmit sound through the air, so Reiki is transmitted through the hands of a Reiki Practitioner to the client. Or just as people pray for others half way across the world, so can Reiki do good for someone not physically present for a treatment.
Even I was skeptical of Reiki before I experienced it, but as I have practiced on myself and others, I have only seen good come from it as it can do no harm. My last client commented, she was so appreciative of its gentleness.

Still not ready to give Reiki a try. It's ok. There are so many wonderful healing modalities, acupuncture, essential oil aromatherapy, yoga, tai chi, massage, craniosacral therapy, and chiropractor, time in nature, music, just to name a few. My advice is to do something that resonates for you to maintain your wellbeing and to take care of yourself.

Together Wherever We Go

So yesterday I spent the day with a good friend that I don't get the chance to hang out with often.
At one point in the day, due to a small hole in a container of baby food, my friend's whole neck down to her chest was covered in pureed apricot. I laughed out loud so hard, and I am not typically the type of person to laugh at someone else's expense. But there was something about it, maybe because it could have just as easily been me, or maybe because I spilt milk all over myself in the car a few days earlier, or maybe it was because we were together to witness it. To share in what seemed like a horrible thing, wipe up the mess together, and to continue on. ( I wiped the floor and she wiped her chest:) 
The same is true for the bigger "horrible things" in life, sometimes by sharing them with a close friends, they don't seem quite so bad. Especially upon looking back at them. I was once told the more embarrassing something is is at the moment, the funnier it will seem later. I think the same can be said with difficult situations. The harder it is at the time, the more you will grow and be stronger later.

Whether you are covered in apricots as you read this, or feel utterly alone without hope as you battle some "horrible thing," take heart, others have and are trodding where you've been whether you can see them or not. Keep on, wipe off the apricots if you need to, call a friend in for reinforcement if possible, but most of all keep on.

The song Together Wherever We Go from the musical Gypsy comes to mind.
"Wherever we go, whatever we do,  we're gonna go through it together. Together, wherever we go."

Gettin' Dark

The point in the day defined as "Gettin' dark"

The hum of crickets

The flash of lightning bugs

The cool of the evening and the warmth of a sweater

The feel of lush green grass under my feet

The stillness of the shadowy trees

The smell of something sweet blooming nearby

The peace that fills the air and the night sky

All of it begs me to sit and be still awhile

This beautiful painting is by a wonderful artist Toni Grote. You can browse & purchase her work here.



Simple Pleasures

Homemade strawberry jelly on a toasted, buttered croissant

The music from Rent the musical

Talking with a true friend

 Watermelon on a hot day

Glass of raw milk

 Driving in the country

Having a delicious breakfast prepared by a friend

Sleeping later than you have in 3 years

The smell of honeysuckle

Picking colors out for your place

Time alone

"It beats inside of me."

I just love this song! I have to move when I hear it.

I told my sister, "It just beats inside of me."

 

 

 

And an old favorite.